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Sunday, 4 October 2015
You can have male friends without sleeping with them!
Women are often their worst enemies. Throw a bunch of them together and you find intrigues, envy and hatred fouling the relationship. That is why a lot of women today find it less stressful to have one or two male friends to relate with. They’ve simply discovered that a feisty friendship with an heterosexual man is stimulating to the brain, soul and it does their social life a world of good. Moire so when such women are single parents, divorced or just ‘senior’ girls.
Some ten years ago, Nike finally drew the curtains on a marriage that was most bewildering to her most of the time. “What had brought back my self-esteem to a semblance of normalcy are my male friends”, she said. “I’m all for the championship of platonic friendship.
Throughout my marriage, my ex constantly sneered at my divorced friends and why they would forever be on the shelf. The unmarried ones, according to him, were wayward and had dated so many men they’d missed husband materials amongst such men. So, after my divorce, I was happy to reconnect with my male friends and was surprised their partners see me as no threat to the stability of their marriage.
“Thanks to one or two close ones, I was able to pick up the pieces of my life. They introduced me to reputable clients and my law firm is doing really well.
We recently dabbled into estate management. My husband has remarried and I wish him well, my kids are doing well, but in spite of all this, he seems to be wearing his disapproving look whenever I see him. It’s true what they say after all that success is the best form of revenge….
“It’s a fact that you get an understanding of men from being friends with them. You can discuss things with male friends that could be very charged inside a romantic relationship. I now have long-lasting male friends that are invaluable. When you have a boyfriend trouble, they know exactly what is going on although sometimes, I think I know too much about the way men are capable of treating women. But this has never put me off men altogether.
“Another thing I enjoy about my men friends is that I always seem to do things with them. Women relate through talk, whereas with men you tend to go on outings, which broadens your circle as well as your mind.”
Demi, a 35-year-old secretary to a local government council said she was thankful for her job and a list of good male friends when her policeman husband was posted outside her state, and it was decided she hung around to continue her career in the local government. “I have always been interested in politics, and my position in the local government is the boost I needed. Apart from the contracts I could corner from time to time, I get to go to political meetings where I meet a few heavyweights in our party. In the meantime, my marriage is very much alive.
I have just become a kind of honorary single while my husband is away. It is so nice to have men to go out with (especially men with whom there is no question of that hideous scenario in the car at the end of the event. You lose the knack of being around men otherwise. I find I make moire effort with my appearance when I’m going out with a man, even though he is just a friend. I may not be politically correct but it’s good for the soul!”
“Let’s not kid ourselves, said Adanma,45, who runs a thriving motel in the heart of Port Harcourt, “there’s no such thing as a platonic relationship between men and women. A woman who says that she has this great friend who just happens to be of the opposite sex is kidding herself. If she doesn’t fancy him, he wants to get her knickers off. It may be platonic on the one side, but the other half is always hopeful.
“Before I got married for the second time, nine years ago, I had several male friends and I don’t think there were any that I didn’t end up sleeping with. Sex has always been a healthy and spontaneous thing with me and the men I met were beautiful people—that’s why I was friends with them in the first place. The sex just seemed to develop out of spending a lot of time together, but I did find that once I had slept with them, the friendship was usually over”.